9/11

9/11

This is a post I wrote on September 11th, but haven't published until now. 

What a scary day,

Pain and loss and suffering;

Always remember. 

I feel overwhelmed at the thought of writing on the anniversary of this infamous day. However, I feel I must give tribute to the tragedy which occurred on September 11, 2001. As this is a blog about depression, I'd like to address the events of 9/11 in a way that is true to its namesake: Finding optimism in depression. Therefore I've decided that this post won't necessarily be for those with a chemical imbalance or those who have been diagnosed with depression, but rather for all of us who have ever felt depressed in any moment. It is entirely possible that every single person who saw, heard, or read about the events of 9/11 experienced depression in a personal, real, and scary way. I pray that my many weaknesses will not keep any who read this post from finding comfort, faith, and hope. 

Isaiah 41:10 reads:

'Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.'

This scripture influenced a verse in the hymn 'How Firm a Foundation', of which I shared in a previous post. Fear is the influence of the adversary, and isn't of God. Why should we fear knowing the God of the Earth and the Heavens is with us? That is a promise of God that He will help us. I've learned in my life that God, as Heavenly Father, is in actuality a parent; the divine father of my spirit. And as such I have recognized that He teaches me as would my incredible earthly parents. I always expect Him to be there and take away my problems. That He would drive away the thing that is causing me to fear. But that isn't His promise - His promise is that He is with us amidst that which is causing me to fear: the weight of financial discouragement, mental or physical illnesses, school, work, loss, heartache, pain - all of these things. This is so that we learn and gain strength. What is the benefit of having the Almighty God at our side? What is there to gain in recognizing His strength and turning to Him in times of difficulty? 

http://stikmup.blogspot.com/2011/12/harry-potter-quote-by-dumbledore.html

I was asked to share my favorite scripture by someone I truly appreciate and respect. This scripture has changed my life as it has taught me to trust in God and in His plan. I have grown to love Him deeper as I face hardships, and I have learned that with every tear shed, with every moment of doubt or fear, is compensated by the very same God of the scriptures, the God of today. I am so blessed and loved, and I owe much of this knowledge to this scripture, as well as all scriptures in general. 

Alma 26:12:

'Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.'

As I read this again I am humbled to know that my strength is God's strength. That as I turn to Him I am filled with His love, His peace, and His strength. The more I recognize how widespread depression and anxiety is, the more I pray that this message will be heard: That you aren't alone. That we are never alone. That we can do all things in Him who gave us this life and always hears our cries. There is so much joy and love in this life to be experienced, and it is available to all who truly seek it. I recognize this joy when I'm with my family, my friends, loved ones. When I feel the spirit of God comfort me, testify to me of eternal truths, and fill me with hope for the future. In knowing that the best is desired for me, and of me. To know of my potential and especially to know of the potential of all those around me as I strive to serve them. 

May God be with us in all our endeavors. Please remember that it is possible to have optimism in depression. 

Climbing Mountains

Back in school again

Along with all the crazy

A mountain to climb

Hello again! I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post, I have been pretty busy with starting another semester of school, work, soccer, and all that super jazz! It has been an interesting adventure starting school again and experiencing the crazy juju rumbly tumbly in my head as I try to balance finances, work, school, AND being social (which is really important to me, I've recognized that I'm at my lowest more times than not when I'm alone and idle). It even appears at times to be too much! Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is a major, and furthermore a career. I would have to say I am in a 'pickle' in regards to where I'm at in my decision making in general. I can't even approach a fast food counter without flipping out over all of the options available to me. It is so difficult for me to make decisions that I find myself questioning my every decision and second guessing my actions, especially in regards to my future. I do have ideas of what I would like to pursue in a major and career, however these ideas are still in the mixing stage of becoming concrete, and have not yet taken its hardened form. Sometimes I even feel covered in concrete! With the burden, the ugliness (I forget my makeup for ONE DAY and people approach me as though I'm carrying an incurable disease --- jokes, I don't wear makeup, I just have sisters), and constantly feeling uncomfortable. I owe this discomfort to my sweet companion, anxiety, who must absolutely love me as I'm constantly feeling the affects of it. 

And yet with all of this going on, I feel great! I feel so excited to be here in this moment of my life! Yep it sucks hardcore, and no it isn't easy. But it hasn't only been bad! I'm so grateful to recognize how great this part of my life is, and how truly blessed I am. One of the reasons I'm able to look up instead of down I owe to my hobby, rock climbing. Like many things in life, it is as much mental as it is physical. I don't really top rope it, which is when you hike to the top and tie the rope in. I usually lead climb it, which is when you hook the rope to the wall as you're climbing up it until you get to the top. And as much as I love rock climbing, it scares my insides to my outsides, haha. But I have learned one of the most valuable life lessons yet from it: keep going, keep pushing, keep fighting, and it will all be worth it. I've even come to learn that the entire process is worth it! The fear, mentally fighting against it, pushing myself and accomplishing something difficult. 

As I've applied this to my every day life, I've been able to appreciate even the difficult circumstances. Although sometimes it is a lot easier to appreciate them after the fact... Like an embarrassing story that I can only tell at parties 8 years after it happened. But I do appreciate them! I've been able to take this first week of the new semester, with all its stress and frustrations, and turn around and say wow, that was worth it. Wow, I had a good time! 

To say I was able to do it on my own would be a lie and entirely selfish/ prideful of me. I've been given strength by God to be able to do all of these little things. Which, in all honesty, I feel completely undeserving of His great love and grace. And yet, His blessings still come. He gives me mountains to climb, and then gives me the strength to climb them. If I but turn to Him, and try a little harder. 

I'm reminded of the scripture in Mosiah, when Alma and his people are in bondage and experiencing extreme trials:

'And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort...

And I will... ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.'

I'm so grateful for Him in showing me the joys and blessings of this life. Even amidst the heartache and the pains that are included. He surely does visit us in our afflictions, as trivial or grave they may seem. I love Him and I love you.