Climbing Mountains

Back in school again

Along with all the crazy

A mountain to climb

Hello again! I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post, I have been pretty busy with starting another semester of school, work, soccer, and all that super jazz! It has been an interesting adventure starting school again and experiencing the crazy juju rumbly tumbly in my head as I try to balance finances, work, school, AND being social (which is really important to me, I've recognized that I'm at my lowest more times than not when I'm alone and idle). It even appears at times to be too much! Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is a major, and furthermore a career. I would have to say I am in a 'pickle' in regards to where I'm at in my decision making in general. I can't even approach a fast food counter without flipping out over all of the options available to me. It is so difficult for me to make decisions that I find myself questioning my every decision and second guessing my actions, especially in regards to my future. I do have ideas of what I would like to pursue in a major and career, however these ideas are still in the mixing stage of becoming concrete, and have not yet taken its hardened form. Sometimes I even feel covered in concrete! With the burden, the ugliness (I forget my makeup for ONE DAY and people approach me as though I'm carrying an incurable disease --- jokes, I don't wear makeup, I just have sisters), and constantly feeling uncomfortable. I owe this discomfort to my sweet companion, anxiety, who must absolutely love me as I'm constantly feeling the affects of it. 

And yet with all of this going on, I feel great! I feel so excited to be here in this moment of my life! Yep it sucks hardcore, and no it isn't easy. But it hasn't only been bad! I'm so grateful to recognize how great this part of my life is, and how truly blessed I am. One of the reasons I'm able to look up instead of down I owe to my hobby, rock climbing. Like many things in life, it is as much mental as it is physical. I don't really top rope it, which is when you hike to the top and tie the rope in. I usually lead climb it, which is when you hook the rope to the wall as you're climbing up it until you get to the top. And as much as I love rock climbing, it scares my insides to my outsides, haha. But I have learned one of the most valuable life lessons yet from it: keep going, keep pushing, keep fighting, and it will all be worth it. I've even come to learn that the entire process is worth it! The fear, mentally fighting against it, pushing myself and accomplishing something difficult. 

As I've applied this to my every day life, I've been able to appreciate even the difficult circumstances. Although sometimes it is a lot easier to appreciate them after the fact... Like an embarrassing story that I can only tell at parties 8 years after it happened. But I do appreciate them! I've been able to take this first week of the new semester, with all its stress and frustrations, and turn around and say wow, that was worth it. Wow, I had a good time! 

To say I was able to do it on my own would be a lie and entirely selfish/ prideful of me. I've been given strength by God to be able to do all of these little things. Which, in all honesty, I feel completely undeserving of His great love and grace. And yet, His blessings still come. He gives me mountains to climb, and then gives me the strength to climb them. If I but turn to Him, and try a little harder. 

I'm reminded of the scripture in Mosiah, when Alma and his people are in bondage and experiencing extreme trials:

'And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort...

And I will... ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.'

I'm so grateful for Him in showing me the joys and blessings of this life. Even amidst the heartache and the pains that are included. He surely does visit us in our afflictions, as trivial or grave they may seem. I love Him and I love you.