Optimism in depression - FIRST POST!

Optimism in depression

First off, a collection of haiku's:

Ooh! A cockroach! 

Pickles and tickles and such. 

These are things I hate. 

Feeling unhappy

Can't control the darkness

Clouding the reason

Turning to God

A light in all the darkness

Holy freaking cow

Cows have black spots

As black as my dark moments

I am like a cow!

Cows live on farms

And farmers are hard workers

I must give effort. 

I know I'm worth it

How I want to be happy! 

It all starts with me

I may need help

I can't do this on my own

You are not alone

Hello hello! My name is Alek and I have major depression and severe anxiety! Now, this isn't something to celebrate, in fact it is the most trying thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. And the worst thing about it is that it is always with me! There is always a part of me that recognizes myself as a loser, unworthy, weak, imperfect, flawed, dumb, and all of those other wonderfully uplifting descriptions. However I have learned in my life to recognize that there truly is a silver lining in all things. In fact, I have come to learn that every good thing about me I owe to my Savior Jesus Christ, my family, and to this very trial that seems at times to overwhelm me. Which is why I have decided to start this blog! To show that there really can be optimism in depression. 

I've been thinking about this for a while now, but something that really pushed me to post this today was the tragic death of Robin Williams. That man has caused me to laugh in classics such as Mrs. Doubtfire, and Patch Adams, while in other movies inspire me through his words, such as in Good Will Hunting, and Dead Poets Society. Even more tragic than his death, is the evidence pointing to his apparent suicide. It's a huge shock to imagine someone who delights in laughter and the laughter of others, as well as having the appearance of always being happy, ever being depressed or unhappy. 

On this level I feel like I can relate. Many people with whom I confide my health problems have exclaimed that it is 'impossible' that I am depressed, me being a 'happy person all the time'. Oh, it's very possible! Haha. There is sometimes a person filled with pain and anguish on the inside. But never mind that life gets me down to the degree of thinking to hurt myself and sometimes entertaining the thought of other worse things. Never mind my struggle to feel happy, as though that option is entirely unavailable to me. I am here to say that I have felt all those things - but I have also felt joy, peace, love. All of the things that not only make this life bearable, but absolutely worth it. And all of you can too. 

The first thing is to recognize that depression is very similar to breaking a leg. If you break a leg, you aren't going to push through it, or pray that it is healed and you keep walking on it. No way Che! You go to the doctors and listen to their guidance and then follow where they lead you, whether that be a necessary readjustment, surgery, or even simply placing it in a cast. That is necessary to recovering! And so it is with depression. There are medications that can be prescribed, as well as therapists available to talk to. Finding the right medication can be a long and difficult process, but it is one that is so worth it when the right medication is found and it helps level out those crazy moods. Because the feeling of depression is literally as though the ability to experience good emotions is impossible. But we can and should have control over our emotions - and that option is available to us. 

The next step is to mentally discover and acknowledge the things we are grateful for. The more I think about those things I'm grateful for, the more my burden is lightened and I'm able to see the good things that life has to offer. Like my wonderful family, or my super stellar friends, or my fantasy football league. There are literally MILLIONS of things to be grateful for! And every one of those things have saved my life, for which I am eternally grateful. 

This last step I'd like to mention is to recognize that we aren't alone in this. There is a support system that I like to follow. First, turn to God and trust in Him, as well as the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. He has taken upon Himself all of our sufferings and transgressions. How cool is it to know that the very Being who created this earth is personally invested in you and your progression? But that scripture that says 'knock and it shall be opened to you' means that we must act and turn to him and His strength will be available for us. That's kind of like the neatest thing in the whole world. I have felt His presence lift me up and give me hope. Second, turn to family/ guardians and/ or older people in whom we trust - like a teacher, or a religious leader. Third, trust in your friends and your peers in whom you trust. Trust in me - someone who is walking that very path you are on. If there is anything you got out of this post it should be this: that you are not alone. We do not go through this alone, and when things are tough we can lean on others to strengthen us. Especially when it's difficult. 

Please remember that it is always possible to be optimistic in depression. And it is the best thing ever :D 'men (and women) are that they might have joy'.