I Lived

In the midst of fear
I'm surrounded by angels
Sent to me by God

Hello again! Wow what a week this has been! I would like to thank you all so much for not only reading my blog, but also for the positive support I've received! This has definitely been one of the scariest things I've ever done, but you've all been so wonderful towards me in your words and actions, to where it has helped me tremendously. It has been a humbling experience to hear from all of you and I truly consider it a tender mercy of The Lord. So once again I thank you for your kind hearts and pure intentions. I am reminded of the words spoken by Elder Jeffrey Holland, an apostle for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

'...God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love and concern for His children... Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near... I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with--here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.'

I'm grateful for your angelic acts toward me, but I am especially filled with the confidence and peace that you are angels to all those around you.

A few weeks ago I was laying in bed and I was filled with fear. I don't remember what I was afraid of - it could've been indigestion, or girls, or more realistically the future, and of my health problems -  but I do remember the feeling of fear that seemed to encompass my very being and spiral me out of control. The third verse in the hymn 'How Firm A Foundation' came to my mind, which I would like to share:

'3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.'

Immediately my mind was put at ease and I was able to rest peacefully. I make you all reading these words the promise that God is personally invested in your life. For He is with us and will give us aid. If He can manifest himself to me by way of the spirit in times of need, as weak as I am and as unworthy as I am to receive such blessings - how incredibly qualified are all of you of His blessings and presence in your life! So once more it is my wish that it is recognized that we are never alone in our trials, nor in our difficult circumstances.

Last night as I was driving home, the song 'I Lived' by One Republic came on. I haven't heard this song in forever (which is probably closer to 8+ months, but I'm young and say dumb stuff all the time - aka YOLO NO POLO TOTES DEM PEEPS BE LIKE HASHTAG - no wonder learning English is so hard!), and I was reminded of my love for this song. If you have time, listen to the lyrics of this song. It reminds me to take advantage of this life, and to experience everything I can and to live life to the fullest. To be able to look back and say 'sheesh that was a difficult mountain with ugly paths and weeds, but LOOK AT THAT VIEW!'

I love you all, and I am available to you if any of you need help of any kind. Please remember that it is possible to be optimistic in depression. 'Men (and women) are that they might have joy'.