But I can always have hope,
A powerful force.
I haven't written in my blog for a while! There are always excuses to make which are valid, but what motivated me to start writing again was the realization that I missed it. It's been too long! I love looking at life in an optimistic way, and to be able to express my thoughts through this blog is a huge blessing. As I continue to battle with depression, I can't help but see it as darkness creeping around like a vignette edit in a photo - starting from the edges and moving inward. I feel as though this darkness emulates the feelings of hopelessness, fear, weakness, and loneliness. This darkness can be brought upon us by the consequences of our actions, whether they be mistakes made or persistent wrongs being acted on, or the actions of others that affect us - which transitions to events or happenings in our lives that affect our emotions; including but not being limited to breakups, losing a job, financial struggles, health difficulties, or the unexpected deaths of those close to us. Each of these bring a feeling of depression to all who live on this earth, healthy or not. To be diagnosed with depression is more like a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes for these unhappy feelings to interfere with life persistently for days, weeks, months, or even years to the extent that free agency is nearly taken away. The difficulty lies in being able to distinguish between these different stages of depression. I have experienced all of this in my life and have learned that there is one underlying force that keeps me moving forward and finding strength: hope.
No matter what level of depression I may be in, it is important to find the good in myself. As I recognize my talents and the great qualities I possess, I am able to magnify my potential. And so it is with all of you. Interview yourself and find the things that you do well and are good at, which we are all blessed with. We must refrain from believing these talents and abilities elevate us above others to where we think we are 'better' than them, as this is pride and will overall cause us to crash to a deeper level of depression. Recognizing the good in ourselves is not pride; seeing the potential we possess for good is to have hope. As we achieve this mindset, we are better able to turn to others and forget ourselves. The difference between living a life where the thoughts are focused on the self and choosing to focus on others is night and day. Selfish thinking is a catalyst to the downward spiral of depression, whereas selfless thinking (and acting) is relief from the burden - true happiness may be experienced. Find in yourselves the hope that there is good in you, that you possess amazing talents. Then find the hope that you can transition these to the lightening of the burdens of others. Then ACT. Through much trial and error in my life I have come to learn that this hope is what makes all the difference. As flawed and imperfect as I am, the potential I possess far outweighs the bad. As Bishnu Adhikari says so beautifully, 'I am perfect in one thing, I'm perfect in trying' (taken from the movie 'Meet the Mormons'). Even if we do not feel this is true we must believe it is true, hope that it is real, and then act on that hope.
The greatest reason to hope is that the Son of God has provided a way for even the very 'least of these' (which I surely am) to overcome pains, weaknesses, and overwhelming flaws. We must all be able to say with a surety the words in Philippians 4:13 - 'I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.' This is truth for the very spirit of God has testified to me that this is true. What better way to rid ourselves of the darkness that acts as a plague in our lives than to turn to the very source of light in the Savior Jesus Christ. Ponder His words offered in the Garden of Gethsemane amidst the excruciating pain of bearing our sins and imperfections:
'Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done... And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly....'
Jesus Christ is our perfect exemplar and masterful teacher as by His actions we learn how we must face our agonizing times. He prays to the Father in Heaven, recognizing the trial He is facing. Humbly accepting that He can't do it on His own, He prays that the will of the Father will be done - even amidst the agony He faced, He prayed more earnestly. I know that if we follow His example in this that we will find peace, strength, and hope in our depression. May we maintain the hope that our Savior is our friend, and as such desires our well-being and has prepared a way for us to accomplish our potential... If we but turn to Him. I know this to be true and this knowledge saves me from daily torment and inspires me to see the beauty in the world. Please remember that it is possible to be optimistic in depression. 'Men (and women) are that they might have joy'.
